Ridiculous & Poorly Crafted but Earnest Ode to my Husband

I love you
You love me
We are each other's honeybee
How did I get so lucky?
Any other way would be calamity

You dumped your FBI dream for me
You listen to me whine about missing N.Y.C.
I promise to listen closely to you
When you talk about things you could do
I get upset when you're feeling blue

If you didn't choose a wife
If instead you chose the wild life
It would have been sad for me
But instead you're my precious lovely
Although our heights look disproportionately

I'm thrilled you are my "The One"
And I didn't wind up with some bum
You give me cuddles and warm hugs
I make us tea and steep it in mugs
You're addictive like narcotic drugs

When I play grabby hands
You display casual indiff-er-ence
You enjoy a pinch and tickle
While I like to eat a bread and butter pickle
And the commies like the hammer and sickle

You reach stuff on the high shelf
And never say, "Do it yourself"
Because you know I can't reach that high
And also because you're a helluva guy
We both enjoy super spicy stir fry

You fold the laundry so patiently
While I cut the chicken, you chop brocc-o-li
Sacrificing by getting onion hands
Says to me you are my manly man
After dinner, you help with pots and pans

You don't laugh when I say I'm writing a book
When you ask to read and I say don't look
You still have faith we'll hit the big time
We are great partners in crime
Gin and tonics have quinine

Some day our loin fruits will be very tall
Or perhaps like me they will be quite small
I'm not looking forward to labor pains
Because either way, they'll have big brains
With weird blood running through their veins

And about the fact that I am weird
That is how I was reared
I need to try and make you laugh
Or my quality of life is reduced by half
The data correlates on a line graph

It is just part of who I am
Like you know who often says, "BAM!"
Like Ricky Martin shakes his bon bon
Or how you tackle triath-a-lons
We like a show that has Cylons

Someday we will be old and gray
And we'll wonder how we got that way
We'll tickle each other on the belly
And blame the dog for all things smelly

I've gone on for far too long
If this were a show, you'd sound a gong

Comments

[Jess]

This is so cute! I laughed when I saw that you referred to your future children as "loin fruits."

[Katie Morton]

Ah, Jess. Thank you for humoring me. :)

[Not Carrie Bradshaw]

This is so cute! I love it. If this is your "poorly crafted" writing I can't wait to read your novel.

[Katie Morton]

Not Carrie Bradshaw -- Well aren't you sweet! I'm actually looking forward to writing more of the book soon and quickly, so hopefully you won't have to wait too long.

[Curiosity]

Ah...The data correlates on a line graph.

I 'm smitten.

[Katie Morton]

Dear Curiosity,
You are smitten by odd things. And that's okay.
~Katie~